Christianity would be MDMA. That warm and fuzzy love and sense of community man.
- Evangelicalism would be heroin: “As long as I’m saved it doesn’t really matter about whether or not other people are in Hell.”
- Catholicism and Orthodoxy are anti-depressants and SSRIs. Gotta take your daily spiritual medicine otherwise your mind will break and your soul will be in peril. As long as you keep eating your daily Eucharist your life should hold together pretty well.
Indian Religion in general would be cannabis. ALL the deep creative ideas.
- Buddhism would be Mushrooms. Divine emptiness and travelling to different realities is what both mushrooms and Buddhism are all about
- Hinduism would be LSD. Brahman and Atman are the same and everything is everything. Deep shit.
- Jainism is a massive bong rip. Chill the fuck out and sit the fuck down cunt; this is not the time to get violent.
- Chinese religion – Confucianism and Daoism – is expensive red wine and Cuban cigars. Very classy and sophisticated.
- Islam would be roll-your-own tobacco and affordable yet quality whiskey. Get your fix of five packs a day and just sink into the warmth of simple and straightforward devotion.
- ISIS and other forms of extremism would be Meth and Speed. “Shit’s fucked ay.”
- Mormonism is total abstinence. Those dudes aren’t on anything and have a very “straight edge” vibe, but secretly they’re the most fucked up out of everyone.
- Fundamentalist Mormonism is Viagra. Those polygamous lädds just wanna bone all day long.
Judaism is DMT. Pretty much the whole old testament is just a record of people choofing DMT, travelling to different dimensions, interacting with angels and chatting with God. “Oi Moses, pass me some of that burning bush hey, cheers cobba.”- Scientology would be 2CI, 25i-nbome and other weird phenylethelmine derivatives. No one really knows what the heck these drugs are really about, and likewise for Scientology.
- Paganism is a variety of things
- North American Paganism would be Mescaline.
- South and Meso American Paganism is Ayahuasca.
- European Paganism is Mushrooms
- African Paganism is the Xhosa ubulawu silene undulata dream herb
- Aussie Paganism is Salvia Divinorum and Changa
Atheism is cocaine and ritalin. Selfish, living in the moment but in a really bad way. Leads to terrible choices and loss of all sensation, pleasure, enjoyment and meaning in life.- Pluralism is a high dosed jedi flip – a little bit of everything keeps life interesting.
- Agnosticism is a 50 pack of nangs – Not illegal, but ill advised.
- Satanism is roofies. Date rapists are all going to Hell without exception.
Alex is a Prophet, Bishop, Priest, Apostle and ASM (Ascended Spiritual Master). On his good days he is often also the one true God incarnate. He enjoys writing theology and philosophy articles and spreading the Gospel promise of Universal Salvation