By the way, random thing: I went to confession with Father Laurie today. He’s such a champion, I love him so much. Ever since he and you arrived in Sydney my opinion of the Dominicans has improved tremendously. I also had a great chat with Sister Mary Helen. She’s so lovely.
I confessed that I was an hour late to a date with my girlfriend. Not a grave sin, but I felt guilty about it.
I also confessed that I’m still having trouble finding the wisdom to know when it’s appropriate to proclaim the Gospel promise and when to remain silent. Because often I get into discussions and can’t help either proclaiming the promise or at least describing it. But then the listener gets offended and then it turns into an antagonistic and unproductive argument or debate.
Father Laurie said I should pray and ask for the same wisdom that Jesus had when he was talking to people. Jesus knew exactly what to say, when to say it, how to say it, and who to say it to. He was a master.
I know I’m already getting better at this. I spend more time listening and asking questions than preaching these days. But inevitably the discussion turns in that direction and I struggle to contain myself. I reveal too much, too soon, and it is confronting and scary for the listener and they close off and get defensive. I’m trying so hard to become all things to all people. It’s tough. Need the wisdom to know when to agree, when to question, when to preach, and when to remain silent.
But I’m optimistic and confident that I will succeed. I know that Jesus will give me this gift of wisdom at some point, in his own good timing. If not now, then later. This is incredibly reassuring and helps me to relax. It also fans the flames of the divine love in my soul.
But my faith isn’t perfected enough yet that I can say with certainty that I will be a conduit of efficacious grace in every conversation that I enter into. I wish I could just say exactly what needs to be said, always, and witness a wave of salvation emanate from me and ripple out to everyone around me, infallibly drawing them all up into the eschaton through the freedom of faith. I know that this is possible, because with God all things are possible, but my faith is not strong enough yet. Pray for me Brother Reginald. My faith can give me certainty of salvation for all, yet it can’t even do something as simple and mundane as the moving of mountains. Clearly I have the cart before the horse.
But Jesus says that asking with true faith will always obtain the desired gift. So from my existing faith comes a prayer for more faith. I don’t want a faith that propels me alone into heaven, I want a faith that can also capture the hearts of everyone else.
Tenzing told me that in Buddhism, when one person achieves nirvana, everyone achieves nirvana. I feel like this with my faith. I am in the eschaton already, and I can clearly see that everyone else is as well, but I know that not everyone else can perceive what I perceive. Ignorance mysteriously veils everyone from seeing reality as it truly is: that we are all already in heaven. This is a such a frustrating paradox. I can see that they are saved, but because they can’t see it themselves all of us get dragged back down into the Epektasis.
“I will not be saved without you” speaks God in the promise. Until all of us are saved, none of us are. And yet when one of us are saved, all of us are. This is a mystery I can’t fathom.
Anyway, lots of love for you. I hope you’re running and galloping towards the Eschaton yourself! Always learning and loving more and more. I look forward to when we next meet.
With the divine love,